:(

grrrrr!!
im so pissed off and sick of all this shit.
im so sick of this god damn life!
i have to fucking sit and listen to everyone elses problems and when i want somone just to sit there and listen to me , somone to listen to my problems no ones there.
i went to talk to my mum about my problems and you know what she says "sarah im stressed" "i dont have time" .
well i i was fucking depressed MOTHER and i still sat threw your 2 hour discussion on problems, didnt it.
i stood there crying , reaching out for her to hold me and she pushes me away wth words.
CRYING! SCREAMING! asking for help and she rejects me!
i stood there feeling like an idiot for actuallly opening up and trying to feel confident enough to disccuss these personal , deep , sad , emotional issues.
i say to her " mum ive sat here for 2 hours listening to you and to your problems , sitting here in tears listening to words about you and dad and how yous are fighting for 2 hours taking in all this crap and depression i am hurt i am sad i am in pain. mum i have listened to your problems now can you please listen to mine.i no that you are hurt mum, of course i know this i can see it , i have seen it for many years but what you dont see is the fact that i am hurt also and that i have been for years" she cuts me off and says "i cant believe your father......" i screamm !!! i screamm so loud and i swearrr i tell her " your not listening to me !!! you dont care about my problems you just dont give a shit !!! i am telling you that i am depressed , i am telling you that im in pain and you dont give a shit. then i say my whole life in primary school i was bullied, i never had any friends no one ever spoke to me until this year do you know what tha feels like? yes mum i kno youve told me time and time again about how you got teased cause ou italian but at leas you had brothers and sister that you coul depend on, i have lost so many people in my life i cant count, my brothers a drunk drugy , my sister doesnt give a shit about me , my parents are fighting like mad and have been since i was 8 and my mother the one person in my life that i look up to , or should i say LOOKED up to doesnt even want to listen to her own child" and you wanna know what she said , the thing that really broke my heart and made me go nuts she told me to get over it , she told me to get over the fact that those members in my family died. how the fuck can i just get over it ! how? if she knew how much pain i went threw she would not have said that , if she new how hard it was to have to go to a school were everyone hated you she wouldnt have said that, if she new how hard it was to have a sister that didnt want to have anything to do with her she wouldnt have said that , if she new how hard it is to know that your older brother, someonw i yous to look up to was a druggy she wouldnt have said hat. thn she says to me , everyone has people that die , everyone dies and once again she says get over it ! i know that everyone dies, i know that everyone has someone thats died but how can i get over that , those were people that i loved , people i cared for and cherished i cant just get over it . that is years and years of pain how am i suppose to just not care about it anymore.well if i am suppose to get over that pain and those problems the how come she cant get over hers? her problems are far less worse then mine yet she cant get over them . hmmmm. then she can see that im crying and she still has to hurt me she says, well if you talked to people in primary school like this no wonder that didnt want to have anyhting to do with you :'( .
yeappp that hurt ,ALOT.
i did nothing to those people in primary school mum. maybe youd no that if youd listened to me.

look i love my mum ok , and i could go onabout this fight for ages but i wont cause ive let what i need to out.
i know that my mum probabl didnt mean what she said, she was just stressed but it still hurt.
ohhh welll lifees a bitch you just gotta deal with it.
but next time this happens........... welll who knows what will happen.
but you know what it took those primary school kids 10 years to talk to me, 10 years to realise who i was and the only reason they started talking to me was becasue im hanging out with the "cool kids" well thats not how i wanted to make friends.
but im just lucky that i have one best friend in the whole world , i would trade those coolkids and the world for her i love my sofiee.